11 January 2011

Fading Light

"Yes, Miami boy, that is snow. It falls from the sky...". Standing near the revolving door at the entrance to GAP store 7232 in Manhattan, I saw snow fall for the first time in my life. It was 1998, shortly before Christmas. I remember that moment, Mildred's voice on the radio in my ear as I stood, mouth in a side-to-side grin looking out the window. It is one of my most treasured memories, and I share that experience not with any one person, but with NYC as a whole. It is one of those indelible moments that sear into my memory, despite the thousands, or millions of others that have come before and after it. Somehow, I hold the wonder, the sense of amazement tightly in my mind. Each time snow falls here on the city I love, it is like that 22 year old man is again standing at that door.

Tonight, part of the innocence of that moment is tainted with the news that someone who once was one of the planets orbiting my sun, has seen his own light extinguished. Vince was not my first partner, nor my most recent. In fact, we have hardly seen each other in the 14 years since we broke up. But, as I was walking and looking at the snow fall on darkened streets tonight, reveling in each glittery diamond falling in the streetlight, there was a hole in my heart.

Time seems to have tempered my perception of the past. Somehow, I can hardly remember ever not gtting along with Vince. Somehow, this loss hurts so much more than it should...that leads me to wonder if we ever really stop loving once we have started? I don't think so. So tonight, I will dance in the falling snow, wondering at the marvel of nature, and sending Vince home with all the light I can muster.


  1. The pics in this posting are from 1995...

  2. One year later. Time has tempered the pain, but not the tragedy. Vince was a good person, very damaged by his past. I pray that now he has finally found solace...

  3. I remember you. You were a part of Vincent's life when it was spiraling out of control with drugs. I remember thinking you were a bad influence for him--not that he needed to be influenced anyway. I remember you slashed a $60,000 Botero painting with a knife in one of your drug induced rages. I remember you being a part of Vincent selling all his art and furnishings in order to pay for drugs...I thought you were dead. I remember...

    1. Considering I was less than 20 years old at the time, and my life has taken a very different path since then, I will say only this: ot is very difficult to "remember" something with any clarity when you weren't present for each and every moment. Gian and I remain the closest of friends to this day, and I find your choice to hid conbieniently bejind a veil of anonymity speaks volumes about your credibility. When I wrote this post, it was to mourn the loss of a beautiful soul in a most terribly tragic way. Vince OD'ed on the drug which I couldn't live with any longer. I walked away from that life cold turkey 21 years ago,1at the age of 20. I own my childish behaviour of tbat period, not to glorify it, but to stand as testament to what can yet become of anyone who makes a similar change within. So thank yoi for your memory, whoever you are. But I challenge you to remembef there are two sides to every story, and perception is not always reality.