Fading Light

"Yes, Miami boy, that is snow. It falls from the sky...". Standing near the revolving door at the entrance to GAP store 7232 in Manhattan, I saw snow fall for the first time in my life. It was 1998, shortly before Christmas. I remember that moment, Mildred's voice on the radio in my ear as I stood, mouth in a side-to-side grin looking out the window. It is one of my most treasured memories, and I share that experience not with any one person, but with NYC as a whole. It is one of those indelible moments that sear into my memory, despite the thousands, or millions of others that have come before and after it. Somehow, I hold the wonder, the sense of amazement tightly in my mind. Each time snow falls here on the city I love, it is like that 22 year old man is again standing at that door.

Tonight, part of the innocence of that moment is tainted with the news that someone who once was one of the planets orbiting my sun, has seen his own light extinguished. Vince was not my first partner, nor my most recent. In fact, we have hardly seen each other in the 14 years since we broke up. But, as I was walking and looking at the snow fall on darkened streets tonight, reveling in each glittery diamond falling in the streetlight, there was a hole in my heart.

Time seems to have tempered my perception of the past. Somehow, I can hardly remember ever not gtting along with Vince. Somehow, this loss hurts so much more than it should...that leads me to wonder if we ever really stop loving once we have started? I don't think so. So tonight, I will dance in the falling snow, wondering at the marvel of nature, and sending Vince home with all the light I can muster.